Jamaica Visas

I've been mooching around my favourite website, the Jamaica Observer for interesting news items and I found a beauty. Some functionary by the name of Edmund Bartlett, the Tourism Minister, so he says, has come over all "Star Trek" by telling anyone who will listen that "Asia is our newest frontier!

To be fair to the bloke, he's doing a splendid job and is coming up with great ideas to improve tourism, not just to Jamaica but to the Caribbean as a whole. Eddie baby has suggested a plan to allow visitors from Asia to visit any of the Caribbean locations on a single visa, like they did for the cricket world cup 2007.

This, he hopes will improve travel between destinations for the tourist from the newly rich Asia economies, cutting down the red tape and making things a lot easier will, he hopes, encourage people to visit.

This is a bloody good idea and so far Bartlett said he has reached agreements in principle with the countries of Colombia and Mexico, and hopes to sign up Panama, the Dominican Republic and Cuba. Go for it Eddie!

This is an excellent article and one you should read, here, in true Jamaican Treasures fashion, is THE LINK!
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The things that really piss me off! No.1 Techno Rage



"Aaaaaagh!" Mr Blogspot's mobile had run out of charge.

Mr Bogspot at work (reconstruction)

I am in a really, truly, utterly foul and very unpleasant mood today, really, this is no joke. I enjoy something called "Techno Rage" that's going totally loco when the technology won't work.

Office workers are prone to this sort of angry reaction when the PC crashes, the system is slow and unresponsive, the mouse / keyboard / webcam / etc won't work, they hit the screen, keypad, tower or laptop, throw the mouse about, lash out at anything that comes to hand, swear out loud and curse god, the IT department, Bill Gates and even spit at the screen (my own favourite that one)

My Internet is via satellite and has been playing up, so I have been making adverts, writing articles and all the other things people like me do, then, when I come to upload, the server cuts out halfway through and I lose everything I have been doing. Grrrrrrr!

My laptop, Toshiba A80 decided to get on the bandwaggon, it has decided that it will run as slow as possible and then crash, even when I try to "Roll Back" that is, take the computer back to another date when it worked perfectly, Tosh won't have it. Why? I don't know?

My wireless connection, a Belkin router, F5D7234-4 v3 has also come to join the party, that has started to give messages and playing up, cutting out willy-nilly.

I have broken one mouse, it was a quick death via the office wall, the router has teeth marks on it now because I have bitten it several times, you can't see the screen on the Toshiba A80, it looks like it's been left out in the rain.

I have screamed obscenities, I have cursed god, Microsoft, Belkin, Toshiba, god again and the cats have had to be pretty swift to aviod ending up drop-kicked into the olive grove.

Just as I'm calming down and have stopped cursing, my mobile phone rings.

What is left of the mobile phone, a Nokia, is now being swept up and dumped in the bin, unfortunately, not being made of rubber, it didn't bounce when I threw it at the floor. Why did I throw it at the floor? I threw the bloody phone at the floor because as I answered the call, the battery died!

I am not alone in this, I'm not a member of a club of one, there are many people who go mad when things don't work and to be fair, it hasn't just been the technology.

I had a burst pipe in the wall, the plumber came out and repaired it, two weeks ago and told me the builder would come and repair the damage, I'm still waiting.

The dishwasher started leaking, I'm waiting for the repair man to call me, that was a fortnight ago. I am also waiting for a guy to call and repair a set of gates on a villa I look after, that's also been a few weeks. It all adds up.

Why am I telling you all this? Why am I not rattling on about Jamaica and villa rentals? I am letting you in on this because some of you will work in an office, all of you use a computer (Ow him kna all dis ting? I know you use a computer because your reading this Blog!) and you will have seen and heard your co-workers, boss, IT man, friends and such like start to scream and shout, slam their fists on the desk, throw paper and other items and even storm out of the room screaming "Where's my ####### gun! I'm going to see Bill Gates!"

They just have a little touch of 'techno rage' and my advice is to let them blow, they'll be OK once they realise that they haven't switched the PC on or that you have to plug the damn thing in. They'll be cool.

But, if like me, the the cause of the problem really is a malfunction with the equipment, I suggest you retire to a safe distance and watch the gear going out of the window.

Do you suffer a little bit from techno rage? Do you throw the technology out of the window, bite the computer, swear at passing Nuns or threaten to blow up your local Commet or PC World stores? I would love to hear from you if you do, we would be kindred spirits.

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Email lisa@jamaicantreasures.com
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Golf holidays in Jamaica - W.C Fields plays golf, Laurel & Hardy too!

Man faints at the sight of golfer in "Plus-Fours"

Some Blogpeepers might get the wrong impression about me and the game of Golf. I have nothing against golf, well, nothing much. OK, some people who play the game of golf look like they got dressed in the dark, some are pretentious and will not let you even talk to them unless you have an handicap of less that 6, others are just there for the after game drinks.

I don't watch golf on the telly, but then again, that's not a big deal, I don't watch snooker and other sports. I do however like to watch the great W. C Fields, without doubt, one of the funniest men that ever lived and ranks along side greats like Spike Milligan.

I thought you might like to see W.C Fields in action, this is him playing golf (Y'know, sky, sky, sky...grass!) no doubt there are a few people like W.C who will be playing at the Tryall Golf villas in Montego Bay, I'm sure they are everywhere. Enjoy.



"I think I'll take a drop ball!"

More of my comedy hero's are Stan laurel & Oliver Hardy. This great comedy duo made the transition from silent movies to talkies with great ease. Here they are playing S-s-s-G! (That's sky,sky,sky...grass! to you.) Note the well dodgey outfits.

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Golf holidays in the Caribbean - Golf villas in Jamaica

Villa Anticipation, Montego Bay Tryall Club

Some things in life do suprise me, some things shock and others just bore the pants off me. One of the more suprising things is that Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop and other teenage idols are very keen on "Sky..sky...sky..grass!" y'know, that game where you spend the day dressed in clothes you would not normally be seen dead in..Golf! (For those Bloggites who are not familiar with the phrase "Sky,sky,sky...Grass!" it is Jeremy Clarkson's take on televised golf because that is all the punters could see.)

David Cassidy is another pop idol, not an idol of mine you understand, but pop idol all the same, who likes to spend the day dressed in plus fours bashing his balls all over the green and pleasant lands. Thank god Ozzy Osbourne is as mad as rat in a tin privvy to even consider it. What's this got to do with moi? What's it to do with Jamaica and Jamaican Treasures?

Jamaican Treasures has a sister site for the Tryall Golf & Country Club, suprisingly, it is called http://www.tryallvillasjamaica.com/site/ and this lovely website is packed with lots of villas for the golfers and friends and family of golfers. Also, and here the big deal, there are special offers available on the Tryall Villas website, not just for golfers and golfing holidays, but for the sane and reasonable people as well. Oh, Yes! pay for 5 nights, stay for 7 nights, that's the deal on some of these great luxury villas at Montego Bay golf and Country club. OFFERS

You've heard the expression "You'd have to be mad to turn this down!" well, you would have to be mad to turn this great offer down, but then again, if you are a golfer, you are a bit mad I suppose?? No?



"I look good in this gear. Right?"


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Email lisa@jamaicantreasures.com
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Westlife to Split! There is a god after all

So, farewell then Westlife...



It's been a very strange week for my good self, musically that is. First was the horrible news that Pop übercheesemeisters Steps were to reform and then their Greatest Hits (Ha!) went in at number 1 in the Pop charts.

Next was the terrible news that Stone Roses are to reform. In case you don't know who they are, they were, and are now again, a Manchester band that made good in the late nineties, made two albums and then all had hissy-fits with each other and promptly jacked it in, much to the relief of the music loving world. Unfortunately, they have now kissed and made up and are ready to howl again.

But dear Blogpoppers, the good lord in his infinate mercey has seen fit to address these grotesque occurances with the delightful news that Irish "Boy" band (Boys? Nicky Byrne, 33, Kian Egan, 31, Mark Feehily, 31, and Shane Filan, 32 ) are to stop ripping off other artists songs and give us all a break, they are hanging up their mics, chucking their hair gel in the bin and getting on with the gardening. Hoorah!

Your going to ask yourself "Wha dem doo so bad a ting dat yu na like dem?" or if you are not Jamaican and don't speak Patois "What's the big deal?" I'll tell you what the big deal is matey, the big deal is that they were truly dull!

Come on now, they ripped off Bobby Goldsboro's (Seasons in the Sun) Phil Collins (Take a look at me now) Jimmy Ruffin (What becomes of the broken hearted) Billy Joel (Uptown girl...Hey? That's not a miserable song, they must have had an off day) Chicago (Hard to say I'm sorry) add to that The Four Tops, Temtations and anyone else they could get away with.
 Why it took 5 of them (to start with until Brian McFadden went mad, married Kerry Catona, came to his senses and done a bunk to Australia with some bird from Neighbours) to sing this rubbish, I don´t know.

Adios amigos! Westlife singing...er...

Anyway, they are calling it a day and that's that. Read it and weep kiddies WestLife to Split


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Jamaica Weather forecast - The Andalucia Weather Brick

"Yeah Mon! I and I gonna get dat wedda brick ting for I"

I am not Jamaican, I say this as a matter of fact, not for any particular reason, it's just that I am not a Jamaican so I don´t really know how Jamaicans feel about the weather.

I am English, I say this as a matter of fact and for a particular reason, I, like other English people (You may as well throw in the Jocks, Taffs and Paddy's because we are all cut from more or less the same cloth) are obsessed with the weather, I don't think I know anyone who isn't angst-ridden at the mere thought of the winter coming in. For this reason I have decided to give all the Brits in Blogtopia an answer to the question must be burning inside them!

"What's the weather like in Jamaica?"

Well, I don´t know because I don't live there but there is a wonderful website that will let you know what the weather is like in Jamaica, or come to think of it, anywhere in the world. The website is called Wunderground and here it, free of charge, the link to "What the weather is like in Jamaica" page.

Isn't that kind of me? Yes, I thought it was. Better still, I am going to do you all a favour and let you see the most accurate weather forecasting equipment known to man, it's ecologically friendly, easy to use and acurate.

It is none other than THE ANDALUCIA WEATHER BRICK brought to you by yours truly, Don Sñr Diego Blogspot of Los Ranos, Andalucia. I have produced two videos to demonstrate the method of use and accuracy of this great weather forecasting invention.



The Andalucia Weather Brick Part 1

The Andalucia Weather Brick Part II

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FREE HOLIDAYS IN JAMAICA

"Yeah Mon, Jamaica!"

"Has Mr Blogspot gone mad?" That's what your probably thinking right now. To be fair, I thought the same thing myself when the good people of Jamaican Treasures told me that there were special offers on for trips to Jamaica. I thought a little bit of discount might be mentioned, you know "10% discount on all holidays in Jamaica!" that sort of "special offer"

When I was told that you can stay for seven nights in a luxury villa but only pay for five nights, I had to double check with the peeps at JT just to make sure it wasn't last nights Rum and I wasn't still "circling the airport" so as to speak.

It's true! Yep!

Jamaican Treasures has some very nice luxury villas that have special offers for a limited period and that special offer is "stay for seven, pay for 5" and two of the villas concerned are real beauties.

Villa Elysian Plain

The first of these special offer villas is Elysian Plain. This is a waterfront villa that is sited at the fantastic Tryall Golf & Country Club, you get automatic membership of the country club and resort facilities, a full staff to look after your every need, Cook, Cleaner, Gardener, Butler and Laundress. For full details take a look at the websites page for this fantastic Jamaica Villa.

Fair Winds Villa

This is one for the golfers. 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom luxury villa that overlooks the Tryall Golf course. You get a staff to help you have the best holiday ever, Cook, Housekeeper, laundress and Gardener, resort membership a great pool to splash around in and of course, let us not forget the golf.

Ask about the special offer on this villa via the contact details below or take a look at the webpage and see what you will get on your special holiday deal. Villa Fair Winds webpage.

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Email lisa@jamaicantreasures.com
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Jamaica Blog - Something very strange

Me not na wha dis ting is?

I thought I might have to point out one or two things to the more astute readers of this Blog. You may (or may not) have noticed that there is a permenant list of Jamaica Villa photographs to the right hand side of every blog. You may also have noticed that they all say "Jamaica Villa" and give the location.

Why? I'll tell you why.

The sister site to Jamaican Treasures (the best holiday villa rentals company in Jamaica) is called My Luxury Villas and there are oodles of brilliant villas, not just in Jamaica but in places like Bali, Mexico, Thailand etc and so to highlight the very best villas in Jamaica, the great and the good of JT decided that such wonderful villas should have their own websites.

So, each of the photographs is linked to the website for that particular Jamaica Villa, just click the photograph and you will be taked to Montego Bay, Discovery Bay, Tryall Golf and Country Club and anywhere else there is one of these top Jamaica villas.

Enjoy.

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Email lisa@jamaicantreasures.com
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Jamaica Birthday party - No! Cockney Brian's 70th

"Bad moon arisin'" Brian, Mr Blogspot, Neil, Mo and Bernard at the back.

It was all sweetness and light this Saturday just gone, or in the case of our friend Cockney Brian "Sat'dai jass gawn" as he celebrated his 70th birthday at the Cortijuelo restaurant, Villanueva del Trabuco which is a fair village in the north east of Malága, Andalucia...Spain.  Close to Casa Blogspot as it happens.

Brian, from London, has reached his 70th year and showed no signs of slowing down as he refused to dance the night away, opting for a seat and a few "pigs ears" beers. He did however, get up with the band, along with yours truly (I played the spoons, very "Cockney" that is) to sing the old Creedence Clearwater Revival hit "Bad moon a rising" and some cockney tunes, as one can see from the photo, I looked very "Cockney" sporting one of the great T shirts sent to me by Lisa of Jamaican Treasures.

The night was spent making up cockney rhyming slang words for different things (amazing what 3 bottles of wine will do to the brain) like "parse them aristotle's" (glasses "Aristotle Onasis") "theres none on the Cane 'n' able" (table) "I need another pigs ear" (beer)

The band played a selection of songs we used to like and the woman got up and danced about, as they do. One couple did a bit of a jive but the polite company just sat down, talked rubbish, after a few more drinks talked gibberish and passed a very pleasant night.

So, what's this post in aid of?

We managed to come up with some Jamaica related rhyming slang words that might catch on, or might not is a safer bet.

Freddie Laker = Jamaica (I´m off to Freddie for my hols)

Doris Day = Montego Bay (can be used for Discovery etc)

Lillian Gish = Ackee and Saltfish (I just fancy some Lillian for my dinner)

Eddie Grant = Ganje Plant (Sorry constable, I never knew it was an Eddie!)

Bob Marley = Parlez (Sorry mate, I don't Bob patois )

Montego Bay = Gay ( That Quentin Crisp? he was a bit Montego wasn´t he?)

Jamaican Rum = Bum (Just had to have a jab in my Jamaican Rum!)

Rasta Man = Frying Pan (Get the rasta on girl, I´m starving!)

Tom Thumb = Rum (Give us a bottle of Tom and a coke for the missus.)

You catch my drift and I´m quite sure that if you drink enough "Tom Thumb" you will come up with some of your own words.


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Steps Reunion - The nightmare continues

The usual suspects - Steps!

It was one of those nights in Casa Blogspot, you know, "Nowt on t'telleh" except the usual pile of regurgitated D list celebrity mush, re-hashed cookery programmes, endless, mind-numbing soaps, Sky news repeating the same story about some MP or other getting caught with his trousers down. God I was bored out of my skull!

Then, as if by devine providence, Mrs Blogspot changed the channel to something like SKY Arts 23+1 and the listing read, no! the listing screamed "STEPS REUNION!"

I laughed, I must admit, I thought that there is no way this could be "Steps" you know, that very cheesy, annoying. irritating band of Pop plonkers who hung up their daft stage costumes many years past.

The laugh soon changed to a scream of horror when the synopsis (a brief or condensed statement giving a general view of the subject.) brought me back to reality with a massive bump "Steps reunion. Prior to the release of the forthcoming Greatest Hits Album...." suddenly I wasn´t reading the synopsis, I was back in the late nineties at a friends wedding, I was being dragged onto the dance floor by Mrs Blogspot's niece, a truly demonic child of some 9 years and as 'orrible as they come.

I was instructed by this little witch as to how one does the dance to "Tragedy". The fact that beating up nine year old girls is a criminal offence (rather like the music) prevented me from doing anything I would later regret. That night has stayed with me all these years and even copious ammount of Jack Daniels or hours transcedental meditation can erase the site of the lines of half pissed adults and semi-demented girls screaming "Traj-jiddee! Ha-haaa!" and waving their hands by their ears while a odd looking DJ with a very suspect hawaiian shirt ponces about trying to look cool. Sound stupid? Hard to imagine? watch the video and you will see what I mean. WARNING! This video contains music likely to cause offence and scenes of utter silliness!

"Traj -jeddee!"

Where was I? Oh, yes! Anyway dear Blogmeisters, after being tied to the chair and having a pair of old underpants forced into my mouth to muffle the screams, I and Mrs Blogspot settled down for what seemed hours of this gut-wrenching programme of why they split up in such an acrimonious manner and why they think they should get back together (call me Mr suspicious but I would say money?)

I must admit, in all honesty and fairness, that before the programme I really did hate this bands "music" it's silly outfits and it's naff, cheesy dance routines and everything else that was the pop outfit !Steps"

After the programme? I hated them!! Dear Lord above, it was all me! me!, how "I" felt, what it did to me! It would seem, no, it really was a case of five people of suspect "talent" with egos that made Mariah Carey seem like the sugar plum fairy.

They broke up because...well, who cares? They broke up, that's all that mattered to me and now, against all reason, they are back!

I know what your thinking, how can something as purile (love the Urban dictionary definition of Purile, very appropriate methinks!) as a cheesy pop band reforming bring such angst into the life of poor old Mr Blogspot?

BECAUSE THEIR "STEPS GREATEST HITS" ALBUM WENT TO NUMBER 1 IN THE ALBUM CHARTS THIS MONDAY MORNING!

I have only this piece of advice to give to you. Stay away from weddings and 9 year old witches.."traj - jeddee! Ha-haaaaa!" "Traj - jeddee!"

PS. If you think that there are no Steps fans left then this facebook page, added by two madmen, George and Adam, may change your mind. Steps Reunion on Facebook.

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Email lisa@jamaicantreasures.com
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