Jamaica Villas Blog. Jamaica Villas from Villas Sur Mer at West End, Negril in Jamaica. Villas Sur Mer is a boutique resort for Jamaica holidays, weddings, honeymoons and special events.
I may be sailing close to the wind with this posting but I assure you readers that this place does exist and is indeed called F#####g. Why am I posting the name of an Austrian town with a silly name on my Jamaica Blog? Well, I was sent it by some Blogmeisters who were wondering if Jamaica or the Caribbean had any odd names for places?
I know of several in the UK and Thailand (Shitterton for one! Phuket is another) but none in the Caribbean and I think, just to lighten the atmosphere, we should have a competition for the daftest named place. If you know of a place with a very silly name, please, let us all in on the secret.
Stoplight Parrot Fish not to be mistaken with Akee & Saltfish
It's always good to have inside information, no matter that it is for horse racing, making a buck on Wall Street, or where the best place is to go snorkeling. Yes! where the best place to go snorkeling is. What's wrong with wanting to know that? Listen, if you are a keen snorkel diver that last thing you want is to off willy-nilly to this beach and that in the hope that you will get a great diving spot. For god's sake, you could end up diving to explore a sewage pipe and spend the day wondering what all the strange looking fish are called.
Jamaica is a fantastic place for snorkel diving because it does not get battered by great big waves and has over 200 miles of coastline that is populated with the most exotic fish you could wish to see. Even so, if you know the very best spots then your stay in one of Jamaican Treasures fantastic villas will be all the better becasue you will get more diving hours in.
So, where is the best place to go snorkel diving in Jamaica?
Port Antonio, Montego Bay, Negril, Ocho Rios, Discovery bay and St. Elizabeth all offer daily trips to the coral reef for you to go diving but opinion is not devided when it comes to naming the number 1 spot and that is Doctor's Cave beach, Montego Bay. You can get kitted up from the local snorkeling centre and explore to your hearts content.
Those of you who are a bit more experienced than others may wish to venture further affield and visit the reefs at Coyoba, Seaworld and Royal Reefs but I would advise you take a guide or someone who is familiar with these areas, the old briney sea can be a bit rougher out on these reefs but I am assured by those who have seen a reef or two that these reefs are crowded with some of the best fish. Like Stoplight Parrot Fish, Barjacks, blue and brown Chromis, yellow-headed Wrasses and Akee Saltfish (Wha? Akee Saltfish?) Joke..a Joke.
The other great places for snorkel diving are off Negril, Runaway Bay, San San Beach Port Antionio and Treasure Beach, St. Elizabeth. There is a great site to visit for more information on Snorkeling in Jamaica and it's called Island Buzz.
I have often questioned the sanity of my fellow man, one has only to look at the latest hair doo's or fashions to see where I'm coming from. There are those Blogmeisters who are just plain "Loopy" and others who are best described as "strange" I have a friend who falls in none of the catagories because he is an "entertainer" and so the line between reality and insanity can be blurred.
For example, who would consider going into a kharzi (loo, bogs, lavvy etc) and thinking the coat hanger looked like a drunk Octopus that was out for a bit of drama? He does. His facebook page is like something out of the novel "Down with Skool!" and not until I dug out the book did I realise that HE MUST HAVE DONE THE PHOTO SHOOT FOR THE FRONT COVER!
One of the photos is that Skool skiver Nigel Molesworth of St. Custards fame, the other is none other than Mike "The Rochdale Cowboy" Harding of dodgey tie fame. (Oh, you don't think so?) Check out the photos below from the Radio 2 "Lumpy Jumper & slack trousers" awards.
Molesworth & Harding
"And the winner of the daft tie award goes to...."
Mike Harding and Cher???
WWII Jap Zero pilot found alive in The Philippines
"I looked up my lineage on Genes reunited and found that I was related to Groucho Marx and Big Bird off Sesame Street.
Mr Blogspot can't decide when to go to the Caribbean?
I have never been one to blow my own trumpet but then again, I have never professed to being as thick as a whale steak, I am neither Albert Einstien or Stan Laurel, I'm more your avarage kind of bloke who knows more or less what he's on about. I had a question from one of the Blogpoppers, they asked me when the best time was to visit Jamaica? and what the seasons where (stupid bloody question one would have thought! Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter? No, not that type of season.) Once I caught their drift, I decided to take advantage of the many websites offering tips on staying in Jamaica and the Caribbean, sites like "When to go to the Caribbean for Dummies!" (Oh, you don't think so? See this link then.) and they all came up with more or less the same results and advice and they are as follows.
Seasons: Holiday season and high season (December to Mid-April) Shoulder season (Autmn to late Spring) Low season (June, July, August) Hurricane season (June 1st to November 30th) What does this mean to you, dear tourist or visitor? Well, it means there are more people about in the high season, more tourists, the some hotels have minimum stay requirements (Jamaican Treasures have no such nonesense!) and in some places you will pay a little more than in other seasons. tempreture wise theres not a lot in it. The shoulder season can be a wonderful time, less people about, cheaper prices, THE KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL! but hey, what goes around, comes around and they let the little devils out in April, spring break and easter!. Low season is like anywhere else, there are lower prices, better deals, less crowded beaches but you still get the good weather (give ot take the odd hurricane or tropical storm) Hurrican season is the best time for the big bargains, OK, it may pee down now and again but the rain in the tropics comes and goes in no time and just because it's called "Hurricane" season doesn't mean your going to sat on a roof waiting for an helicopter to drag you to safety! Check the Jamaican Treasures website for bargains in ALL seasons as we do have them. If you need any information we are always very happy to help you. If all else fails, you can always rely on your Andalucian Weather Brick (providing you have one.)
"I hope that Pinky will be a really good mouser!" That's what I said to Mrs Blogspot when we decided to keep 3 of the last batch of kittens. Pink, Squeeky and Alfie.
OK, Pinky isn't pink, she's stripey but she has one pink toe or whatever a cats version of a toe is, so, we call her 'Pinky'. As you can from this photo taken a few minutes ago, she has either caught the techo rage from my good self or she is just plain thick.
I appreciate that we live in a techno age but come on! When I say "catch dat mouse!" I mean the little dude that keeps crapping in the plant pots.
Oh well, I wonder if Jamaican cats are as stupid as the Spanish ones?
I've been mooching around my favourite website, the Jamaica Observer for interesting news items and I found a beauty. Some functionary by the name of Edmund Bartlett, the Tourism Minister, so he says, has come over all "Star Trek" by telling anyone who will listen that "Asia is our newest frontier!
To be fair to the bloke, he's doing a splendid job and is coming up with great ideas to improve tourism, not just to Jamaica but to the Caribbean as a whole. Eddie baby has suggested a plan to allow visitors from Asia to visit any of the Caribbean locations on a single visa, like they did for the cricket world cup 2007.
This, he hopes will improve travel between destinations for the tourist from the newly rich Asia economies, cutting down the red tape and making things a lot easier will, he hopes, encourage people to visit.
This is a bloody good idea and so far Bartlett said he has reached agreements in principle with the countries of Colombia and Mexico, and hopes to sign up Panama, the Dominican Republic and Cuba. Go for it Eddie!
"Aaaaaagh!" Mr Blogspot's mobile had run out of charge.
Mr Bogspot at work (reconstruction)
I am in a really, truly, utterly foul and very unpleasant mood today, really, this is no joke. I enjoy something called "Techno Rage" that's going totally loco when the technology won't work.
Office workers are prone to this sort of angry reaction when the PC crashes, the system is slow and unresponsive, the mouse / keyboard / webcam / etc won't work, they hit the screen, keypad, tower or laptop, throw the mouse about, lash out at anything that comes to hand, swear out loud and curse god, the IT department, Bill Gates and even spit at the screen (my own favourite that one)
My Internet is via satellite and has been playing up, so I have been making adverts, writing articles and all the other things people like me do, then, when I come to upload, the server cuts out halfway through and I lose everything I have been doing. Grrrrrrr!
My laptop, Toshiba A80 decided to get on the bandwaggon, it has decided that it will run as slow as possible and then crash, even when I try to "Roll Back" that is, take the computer back to another date when it worked perfectly, Tosh won't have it. Why? I don't know?
My wireless connection, a Belkin router, F5D7234-4 v3 has also come to join the party, that has started to give messages and playing up, cutting out willy-nilly.
I have broken one mouse, it was a quick death via the office wall, the router has teeth marks on it now because I have bitten it several times, you can't see the screen on the Toshiba A80, it looks like it's been left out in the rain.
I have screamed obscenities, I have cursed god, Microsoft, Belkin, Toshiba, god again and the cats have had to be pretty swift to aviod ending up drop-kicked into the olive grove.
Just as I'm calming down and have stopped cursing, my mobile phone rings.
What is left of the mobile phone, a Nokia, is now being swept up and dumped in the bin, unfortunately, not being made of rubber, it didn't bounce when I threw it at the floor. Why did I throw it at the floor? I threw the bloody phone at the floor because as I answered the call, the battery died!
I am not alone in this, I'm not a member of a club of one, there are many people who go mad when things don't work and to be fair, it hasn't just been the technology.
I had a burst pipe in the wall, the plumber came out and repaired it, two weeks ago and told me the builder would come and repair the damage, I'm still waiting.
The dishwasher started leaking, I'm waiting for the repair man to call me, that was a fortnight ago. I am also waiting for a guy to call and repair a set of gates on a villa I look after, that's also been a few weeks. It all adds up.
Why am I telling you all this? Why am I not rattling on about Jamaica and villa rentals? I am letting you in on this because some of you will work in an office, all of you use a computer (Ow him kna all dis ting? I know you use a computer because your reading this Blog!) and you will have seen and heard your co-workers, boss, IT man, friends and such like start to scream and shout, slam their fists on the desk, throw paper and other items and even storm out of the room screaming "Where's my ####### gun! I'm going to see Bill Gates!"
They just have a little touch of 'techno rage' and my advice is to let them blow, they'll be OK once they realise that they haven't switched the PC on or that you have to plug the damn thing in. They'll be cool.
But, if like me, the the cause of the problem really is a malfunction with the equipment, I suggest you retire to a safe distance and watch the gear going out of the window.
Do you suffer a little bit from techno rage? Do you throw the technology out of the window, bite the computer, swear at passing Nuns or threaten to blow up your local Commet or PC World stores? I would love to hear from you if you do, we would be kindred spirits.
Some Blogpeepers might get the wrong impression about me and the game of Golf. I have nothing against golf, well, nothing much. OK, some people who play the game of golf look like they got dressed in the dark, some are pretentious and will not let you even talk to them unless you have an handicap of less that 6, others are just there for the after game drinks.
I don't watch golf on the telly, but then again, that's not a big deal, I don't watch snooker and other sports. I do however like to watch the great W. C Fields, without doubt, one of the funniest men that ever lived and ranks along side greats like Spike Milligan.
I thought you might like to see W.C Fields in action, this is him playing golf (Y'know, sky, sky, sky...grass!) no doubt there are a few people like W.C who will be playing at the Tryall Golf villas in Montego Bay, I'm sure they are everywhere. Enjoy.
"I think I'll take a drop ball!"
More of my comedy hero's are Stan laurel & Oliver Hardy. This great comedy duo made the transition from silent movies to talkies with great ease. Here they are playing S-s-s-G! (That's sky,sky,sky...grass! to you.) Note the well dodgey outfits.
Some things in life do suprise me, some things shock and others just bore the pants off me. One of the more suprising things is that Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop and other teenage idols are very keen on "Sky..sky...sky..grass!" y'know, that game where you spend the day dressed in clothes you would not normally be seen dead in..Golf! (For those Bloggites who are not familiar with the phrase "Sky,sky,sky...Grass!" it is Jeremy Clarkson's take on televised golf because that is all the punters could see.)
David Cassidy is another pop idol, not an idol of mine you understand, but pop idol all the same, who likes to spend the day dressed in plus fours bashing his balls all over the green and pleasant lands. Thank god Ozzy Osbourne is as mad as rat in a tin privvy to even consider it. What's this got to do with moi? What's it to do with Jamaica and Jamaican Treasures?
Jamaican Treasures has a sister site for the Tryall Golf & Country Club, suprisingly, it is called http://www.tryallvillasjamaica.com/site/ and this lovely website is packed with lots of villas for the golfers and friends and family of golfers. Also, and here the big deal, there are special offers available on the Tryall Villas website, not just for golfers and golfing holidays, but for the sane and reasonable people as well. Oh, Yes! pay for 5 nights, stay for 7 nights, that's the deal on some of these great luxury villas at Montego Bay golf and Country club. OFFERS
You've heard the expression "You'd have to be mad to turn this down!" well, you would have to be mad to turn this great offer down, but then again, if you are a golfer, you are a bit mad I suppose?? No?
It's been a very strange week for my good self, musically that is. First was the horrible news that Pop übercheesemeisters Steps were to reform and then their Greatest Hits (Ha!) went in at number 1 in the Pop charts.
Next was the terrible news that Stone Roses are to reform. In case you don't know who they are, they were, and are now again, a Manchester band that made good in the late nineties, made two albums and then all had hissy-fits with each other and promptly jacked it in, much to the relief of the music loving world. Unfortunately, they have now kissed and made up and are ready to howl again.
But dear Blogpoppers, the good lord in his infinate mercey has seen fit to address these grotesque occurances with the delightful news that Irish "Boy" band (Boys? Nicky Byrne, 33, Kian Egan, 31, Mark Feehily, 31, and Shane Filan, 32 ) are to stop ripping off other artists songs and give us all a break, they are hanging up their mics, chucking their hair gel in the bin and getting on with the gardening. Hoorah!
Your going to ask yourself "Wha dem doo so bad a ting dat yu na like dem?" or if you are not Jamaican and don't speak Patois "What's the big deal?" I'll tell you what the big deal is matey, the big deal is that they were truly dull!
Come on now, they ripped off Bobby Goldsboro's (Seasons in the Sun) Phil Collins (Take a look at me now) Jimmy Ruffin (What becomes of the broken hearted) Billy Joel (Uptown girl...Hey? That's not a miserable song, they must have had an off day) Chicago (Hard to say I'm sorry) add to that The Four Tops, Temtations and anyone else they could get away with. Why it took 5 of them (to start with until Brian McFadden went mad, married Kerry Catona, came to his senses and done a bunk to Australia with some bird from Neighbours) to sing this rubbish, I don´t know.
Adios amigos! Westlife singing...er...
Anyway, they are calling it a day and that's that. Read it and weep kiddies WestLife to Split
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