May 7th 1983 - Burnley, UK
How time really does fly! One minute you’re in Burnley, a small northern town in England dressed to the nines ready to stagger down the aisle and promise to stay together “Till death us do part!” and the next minute your sat behind a computer in the Andalucia mountains wearing a scruffy housecoat, pair of 1990 Everton shorts and flip-flops, all the time trying to stop the cat eating your toast. Where have 29 years gone already?
I suppose if you look back and took it year by year and recounted the highs and lows then it would seem a long time but as another anniversary arrives it just seems like yesterday, it really does. Friends ask ‘what is the secret of a long marriage?’ my answer is always the same, very simple and straight to the point ‘Stay poor!” and the reason for this is also very simple, if you notice, you never see anyone being taken to the high court for a divorce settlement who hasn’t got a pot to pee in, do you?
I suppose being married for this length of time gives me some right to offer advice to newlyweds or anyone seeking to tie the knot but I never have done, no, not once have I ever offered anyone advice on married life and the do’s and don’ts of married bliss, why should I? You’ll find out yourself in time.
I’m allowed to tell one of my favourite jokes being as I have arrived at the 29th year of a life sentence and this is it;
An old gent goes into the local newspaper office and finds the Classified Ads desk, whereupon he asks the girl behind the desk how much it would be to place an advert in the obituary column because his wife of 70 years, Doris, had passed away. The girl tells the old gentleman that it is 1 pound per word!
“Oh dear! I have only 3 pounds to spend!” says the old man
“Well, if you keep it short, it may fit?” said the newspaper girl.
The old guy thinks for a little while and then writes on the advert slip “Doris is dead” When she read it the girl felt a lump in her throat and rushed in to the editor and recounted the story about the old man and his wife passing away and him only having 3 pounds to spend on the obituary.
“Tell him there is a 2 for 1 offer on today, tell him he can have 6 words for 3 pounds, that might help him!” said the editor who was not unsympathetic to the old chaps plight. The old man was delighted at the extra three words and thought for a little while before writing out the new obituary message:
“Doris is dead, Fiat for sale”
Hey ho! 29 down, god knows how many more to do? How long did the Count of Monte Christo do?
